I wouldn't have it any other way
by DWblot
Summary: Oneshot.Meilin's forced to make a choice.Can she accept Syaoran's offer of marriage when his heart isn't truly there?Or can she truly make Syaoran happy as his wife and make him forget the little Card Mistress who stole his heart 5 years ago?SxS


**A/N--- I came up with this at half past 5 this morning,And it WOULDN'T go away.**

**Just a short drabble from Meilin's point of view.**

**R&R,please??????**

**and if I get 5 reviews,I'll put in a sequel!!!!**

**DISCLAIMER**

**ME NO OWN**

**YOU NO SUE!!!**

**note--**

**italics refer to Meilin's thoughts**

**and now,for the story...**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R**

"Meiling Li"

Syaoran's voice is cool and steady.

I've always loved his voice. The way it sounds..confident and firm…it makes me feel protected and loved. His voice sounds just like it always does, calm and quiet. But I can detect the slightest tremor,a hint of a tremble in his voice as he looks at me.

"I apologise for the way I have treated you. It does not befit me, as a Li, to have acted so towards a lady and for that, I ask your forgiveness."

He paused.

"I ask that you you forgive me for the injury I have caused you. It was never my intention to hurt you. I admit I was wrong to care for another while still bound to you and I regret causing you pain."

He looks up at me and I stare at the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Amber eyes. Burning pools of strength and fire that seem to know me so well. That I love so well…

_Syaoran…_

"Will you do me the honour of being my wife?"

I had known this was coming for a long while.

When Syaoran had returned from his stay in Japan, he had immediately informed his family about his relationship with the Card Mistress.

He had not told them of it beforehand, beleiving it to be too personal…too sacred to be casually spoken about over the phone.

While his mother, Yelan, had been stunned, she had also been delighted at the news. Having met Sakura, she had absolutely no worries concerning her son's choice.

Fuutie had mentioned to me that ever since Sakura had visited and Yelan had noticed Syaoran's behaviour towards her, she had been nursing secret hopes of them finding love in the other.

"Yin and Yang" Yelan had said. "They are matched. Dark and light"

My heart had cried out to me then.

We captured those cards…do you remember, Syaoran? We did it….together….doesn't that mean anything?

Are we not well matched?

_Syaoran……_

Everyone could see how much Syaoran loved Sakura. It was more than obvious…in the way his eyes glazed over when he looked at the bear.

The way his lips quirked up into a small smile and his eyes took on that soft, tender expression when he spoke of her to Feimei who delighted in hearing stories of her little brother's love.

It hurt me…again and again..to see him so in love..

_Syaoran…we could have had that…._

Though Syaoran's mother and sisters rejoiced at his newfound happiness, my family was a different story alltogether. Mother raged at Syaoran and Father refused to speak to me. It was all my fault for letting him 'stray' as Father termed it…I had always known how keen my parents were to have their only daughter affianced to the heir to the Li Clan. I had told them of the agreement Syaoran and I had and they had been ecstatic.

"A Li never breaks his word" Father had boomed out, grinning widely. "What say you,Ishiko-san?

And mother had beamed right back.

"I am so happy for you, my beautiful girl. Li is an honourable man and will keep his word. You will be wedded when you are of age, thanks be to the gods above."

And I had thought, at the time…'Kami…they have not mentioned one word about love..does it not matter somehow?'

_Syaoran…were you ever mine in the first place?_

The trouble truly started when Father began talking to his friends. He twisted the truth and told them that Syaoran had cheated me…that he had promised to marry me and then left me for some Japanese whore he had met. That he was a cheat and a liar and unworthy of being the Li Clan leader.

He went to Yelan and insisted that Syaoran honour the promise he had made to me. That he honour our agreement and marry me.

He insisted that as a Li, duty came first and that Syaoran had given me his word. That I was his responsibilty…his affianced one. That he had no right to break his promise to me.

He told her that I was depressed..that I had refused meal after meal and was being forcefully fed. That I cried myself to sleep everynight because Syaoran had betrayed me for an infatuation.

He hounded them until Syaoran's mother made a decision.

Syaoran would have to apologise to me formally in the presence of the Elders….and he would have to ask me to marry him.

The choice would be mine.

I knew that if Syaoran were to marry me, I would be the only woman in his life. My Syaoran is too honourable to cheat on me. He would be faithful to me and me alone. And I know that he would never see Sakura again, were he to take me as his wife.

Father knew this too.

He was jubiliant. He had gotten what he wanted. He did not bother with asking me how I felt. He was sure that I would agree. I had wanted this. I had always wanted this.

And now I had my chance.

I stare at Syaoran as he stands in front of me,head now bowed chocolate bangs that I loved so falling into his face, hiding his eyes from me…hiding himself from me.

_Syaoran, I love you_

I know Syaoran loves Sakura..the true kind of love that I always dreamt about. Funnily enough,when I dream about that kind of love as I am apt to do at times, I have never once thought of Syaoran as being the one to give me that.

I have had my dreams about Syaoran. Of us living together in a house, getting married, having children. Of him telling me he loves me, of us being intimate in several ways. Of him telling my parents how much he loves me and treasures me.

But somehow, I have always kept those dreams and my dreams of the truest love separate in my heart.

_Maybe…just maybe…_

I can see how much Syaoran loves Sakura….that he loves her as much today as he did the day he first realised that he had fallen completely in love with his rival. 5 years ago. I know he loves her, with all his heart and I know Sakura loves him too.

I could see it in her eyes when she watched him leave, when they kissed for the last time in front of everyone at the airport before Syaoran had to leave…for China…for his home.

But now, this isn't home for him.

It's home to me…and my broken heart.

Not Syaoran's.

He belongs with Sakura, wherever she is and wherever she may go. I saw him happiest in Tomoeda,with her.

How can I take him away from her?

But a traitorous part of my mind cries out to me and my heart sings out in delight…because this is Syaoran, my Syaoran…and he's asking me to marry him and we'll be happy together, just like I've always imagined.

Just like I've always hoped.

So what if he doesn't love me? He'll learn to love me. I'll make sure he does. And until then,I'll love him twice as much….for both of us.

I've known Syaoran for so long. I know what he likes and dislikes. I know he loves dim-sum and chocolate and his favourite colour's green.

I know he's scared of failure and his best subject's maths,although he's really more interested in Science.

I know he hates Winter and loves twilight.

So maybe…just maybe, this is enough.

What we have is enough.

And we'll grow closer over the years.

And that will evolve into love. I KNOW it will. I'll make sure it will.

And we'll be happy.

So I do what I know will turn out right in the end- for all of us.

I raise my hand to tilt his face upwards, smile at him and say "No"

And really, you should have seen the look in his eyes when he jerked his gaze up to meet mine.

And it's all worth it to me, when I see the shock and bewilderment followed close on by dawning realisation that I really meant it and I wasn't joking and then the heartfelt delight that swept his face…Really,though…if I weren't rather amused, I ought to have been quite offended at how happy he was that he didn't have to marry me. Am I that horrible?

But then he looks at me…and that is enough for me. He was never one for words. But I knew what he wants to say. It's all there, in his eyes. His gratitude, his happiness and his love. He has always loved me…just not in the way I wanted to be loved by him.

He loves me as a cousin, as a wellwisher and a friend. And I feel a calm descend over me and sunshine creeps into my soul and my sore and battered heart twitches and smiles inside of me….because this is Syaoran, my cousin. The one I've loved for so long, I never gave anyone else a chance. The boy I've loved since we were children and dreamt of the strange and amazing world that awaited us outside.

This is Syaoran…and I wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
